How to Confront a Cheating Partner

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It’s hard to learn that your boyfriend or husband has cheated on you, but what if you’ve discovered this fact without your partner bringing it to your attention? If you found out that he’s cheating, but you haven’t told your partner yet, you’re going to need to confront him at some point. The only question is how to do it in the least painless way possible. Once you find out that he’s cheating, here’s how you need to confront him about it.

Gather All Your Evidence

First off, you need to make sure you have all the evidence that you’re going to use to confront him. Make sure that it forms a genuine case; you don’t want most of your evidence to be based on the fact that he isn’t paying attention to you very much or seems distant. There are plenty of reasons that could happen, with many of them unrelated to infidelity at all. You want to have evidence like a recently-active dating profile, suspicious texts, or pictures.

Figure Out Your Next Move

Before you confront your significant other, you need to know what you’re planning to accomplish with the confrontation. Do you want to break up? Do you want to try and repair the relationship? If you don’t know what you want to do with the relationship, you’re going to have an awkward and uncomfortable conversation that doesn’t really go anywhere. Make sure you know what you’re planning on accomplishing with this confrontation.

Determine if You Need Someone Else There

You might assume that having this conversation in public or with a friend there will make it less difficult, but nothing could be further from the truth. Ideally, you want to make sure that you have this conversation at home, when neither of you are full of emotion. It doesn’t have to be an incredibly heated argument; it can be a mature discussion instead. But there is one condition under which you should plan things out in advance. If your significant other has shown tendencies toward violence, ask a friend to come with you and plan to leave as soon as the conversation is over. That’s a situation you should leave as soon as possible.

Lightly Rehearse the Confrontation

Ideally you want to make sure that your confrontation goes smoothly, but doesn’t feel rehearsed. You definitely don’t need to write a script and memorize it down to the word; that’s going to make the whole conversation more awkward than it needs to be. But determine what things you want to talk about beforehand and make sure you know how you’re going to phrase them. It’ll make you less likely to get extremely emotional and it’ll make the whole conversation flow more smoothly.

Confront Him Gently, but Firmly

Once it’s time to actually confront him about the cheating, make sure you find a quiet moment where neither of you have planned anything important for the rest of the day or night. Sit down with him and let him know what you’ve found about his infidelity. If he tries to deny it, you can listen to his explanations, but don’t feel like you have to back off just because he’s denying your accusations. Don’t yell or insult him, but stand up for yourself and make your feelings known.


This isn’t an easy conversation to have, and it’s not one that you ever really want to deal with. But it’s an important part of a relationship. If you find out about infidelity, you need to make sure that you’re willing to approach your partner about it on a mature and genuine ground. You can grow and learn from this, and your partner can too. You just need to make sure that you’re a big enough person to actively talk about it.

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